You want to know something? Sometimes I feel like I’m running on those cheap batteries you get at the Dollar Store. You know, the ones with weird names like “Charge-It-Up”, “EZ Surge”, and “Cheap-O Charge”. The ones you have to remove from your device every week or so and blow on or roll them around in your palm to get that lassst bit of power-juice out of them. I knew this feeling all too well in college. But, that was college. It’s designed to give you high blood pressure, depression, and money problems, so that was expected. Not welcome, but expected. So you can imagine my excitement as my rocky college years came to a close. I thought after tossing my cap to the Heavens and walking through those pearly graduation gates that I could finally level-up to “the Real World”. I thought in “the Real World”, I’d have my dream job with dream co-workers living in a cute apartment and becoming one of those annoyingly happy people who basically float out of their front doors in the morning and know all their neighbors by name..
“Oh hey there Bill!” “Lookin’ good Bethany!” “Goooood morning Rita, how’d your casserole come out last night?”
I don’t know why I thought ‘adulting’ would be akin to a Leave It To Beaver episode, but eh, I’ve always had my head in the clouds.
It didn’t take long for my dream adult life to quickly come to a screeching hault when I found myself done with school and jobless. I would have been fine taking my time and waiting for that perfect job or business opportunity…but thanks to social media I was able to see everyone’s shiny new job offers. In my eyes everyone else was living the life, moving away, and buying fancy stuff. Yes that last one was shallow, but I keeps it real. I wanted fancy stuff. Anyway, with each passing day I’d see new ecstatic status updates celebrating the good news. I’d give them a congratulatory “like”, but in my mind I was thinking “what about me?”. Long story shorter, my self esteem plummeted. And for a loong time I stopped posting to social media (the horror, I know *insert sarcasm*). I still lurked, but I didn’t want anyone thinking “what’s Jacque been up to?”.
Anyway, fast forward to now. I’ve had a job, and now I’m self employed. Yay! But….not much has changed since college. Well, besides my tolerance for alcoholic beverages. That’s lower. Everything else- the stress, the anxiety, worrying about money- is at an all time high. I have bills to pay, people! BilLlLLz! I don’t have time to cutesy up my condo because BILLZ. Oh, and I don’t know my neighbors’ names either. In fact, you’d think they had rabies the way I avoid them. Like most people I’m not a fan of small talk, and I hate being stopped for “chit chat” on those rare occasions that I leave my house to work elsewhere. Before adulthood I wouldn’t mind indulging in some mindless banter here and there, but currently my brain is preoccupied with $MONEY$ and BILLZ 24/7. And nope, I don’t float out of my door in the mornings. I sleepily clunk down the stairs like a caveman in the afternoon, dragging my backpack like a club and probably scratching my pits because that would just be the cherry on top of the “I’m so sick and tired of this” sundae wouldn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, I love working for myself, but I’m always on edge. Always frantically looking for money. Not in a desperate way. I’m making this sound worse than it is, but always having to think outside the box to market your services gets so tiring. Plus, I kind of like my box. It’s cute. It’s comfy. I want to spend more time in it. I can definitely be strategic, and I have been, but…I’d rather not have to be. Honestly, sometimes I feel like a 90s cartoon character the way I’m always plotting a kooky adventure or craZZzy plan.
In a perfect world, I could create and live off of my creations without having to spend the majority of the time aggressively marketing myself. I love making something out of nothing. Be that an e-book, a logo, a website, art, photography or accessories. I just want to do more of that, and less plotting.
I know what you’re thinking. “Geez Jacque you sure are complaining a lot”
Well, yeah, have you tried adulting? It’s definitely no walk in the park. It’s more like a slow crawl through Hell, if Hell is filled with networking events, bravado, business jargon, small talk and mounds of bills. I’m just waiting for the day I feel like a real adult. But then again, at 17 I thought 24 year-olds were real adults so I don’t have much faith that that will ever happen.
Ok ok, phew. Glad I got that off my chest. I promise you I’m a pleasant person. Check out my Youtube videos! I’m all smiles! It’s just that writing is the only way I can express myself and my disdain for adulthood, ok?? *Huffs and puffs* *Defiantly crosses arms*
What about you? Do you finally feel like an adult, or do you see where I’m coming from? Share your stories of your sucky (or not sucky) adulthood below!