Is This Adulthood? If So…It Sucks.

aduting suck

You want to know something? Sometimes I feel like I’m running on those cheap batteries you get at the Dollar Store. You know, the ones with weird names like “Charge-It-Up”, “EZ Surge”, and “Cheap-O Charge”. The ones you have to remove from your device every week or so and blow on or roll them around in your palm to get that lassst bit of power-juice out of them. I knew this feeling all too well in college. But, that was college. It’s designed to give you high blood pressure, depression, and money problems, so that was expected. Not welcome, but expected. So you can imagine my excitement as my rocky college years came to a close. I thought after tossing my cap to the Heavens and walking through those pearly graduation gates that I could finally level-up to “the Real World”. I thought in “the Real World”, I’d have my dream job with dream co-workers living in a cute apartment and becoming one of those annoyingly happy people who basically float out of their front doors in the morning and know all their neighbors by name..

“Oh hey there Bill!” “Lookin’ good Bethany!” “Goooood morning Rita, how’d your casserole come out last night?”

hi

I don’t know why I thought ‘adulting’ would be akin to a Leave It To Beaver episode, but eh, I’ve always had my head in the clouds.

It didn’t take long for my dream adult life to quickly come to a screeching hault when I found myself done with school and jobless. I would have been fine taking my time and waiting for that perfect job or business opportunity…but thanks to social media I was able to see everyone’s shiny new job offers. In my eyes everyone else was living the life, moving away, and buying fancy stuff. Yes that last one was shallow, but I keeps it real. I wanted fancy stuff. Anyway, with each passing day I’d see new ecstatic status updates celebrating the good news. I’d give them a congratulatory “like”, but in my mind I was thinking “what about me?”. Long story shorter, my self esteem plummeted. And for a loong time I stopped posting to social media (the horror, I know *insert sarcasm*). I still lurked, but I didn’t want anyone thinking “what’s Jacque been up to?”.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I’ve had a job, and now I’m self employed. Yay! But….not much has changed since college. Well, besides my tolerance for alcoholic beverages. That’s lower. Everything else- the stress, the anxiety, worrying about money- is at an all time high. I have bills to pay, people! BilLlLLz! I don’t have time to cutesy up my condo because BILLZ. Oh, and I don’t know my neighbors’ names either. In fact, you’d think they had rabies the way I avoid them. Like most people I’m not a fan of small talk, and I hate being stopped for “chit chat” on those rare occasions that I leave my house to work elsewhere. Before adulthood I wouldn’t mind indulging in some mindless banter here and there, but currently my brain is preoccupied with $MONEY$ and BILLZ 24/7. And nope, I don’t float out of my door in the mornings. I sleepily clunk down the stairs like a caveman in the afternoon, dragging my backpack like a club and probably scratching my pits because that would just be the cherry on top of the “I’m so sick and tired of this” sundae wouldn’t it?

over it

Don’t get me wrong, I love working for myself, but I’m always on edge. Always frantically looking for money. Not in a desperate way. I’m making this sound worse than it is, but always having to think outside the box to market your services gets so tiring. Plus, I kind of like my box. It’s cute. It’s comfy. I want to spend more time in it. I can definitely be strategic, and I have been, but…I’d rather not have to be. Honestly, sometimes I feel like a 90s cartoon character the way I’m always plotting a kooky adventure or craZZzy plan.

In a perfect world, I could create and live off of my creations without having to spend the majority of the time aggressively marketing myself. I love making something out of nothing. Be that an e-book, a logo, a website, art, photography or accessories. I just want to do more of that, and less plotting.

I know what you’re thinking. “Geez Jacque you sure are complaining a lot”

Well, yeah, have you tried adulting? It’s definitely no walk in the park. It’s more like a slow crawl through Hell, if Hell is filled with networking events, bravado, business jargon, small talk and mounds of bills. I’m just waiting for the day I feel like a real adult. But then again, at 17 I thought 24 year-olds were real adults so I don’t have much faith that that will ever happen.

Ok ok, phew. Glad I got that off my chest. I promise you I’m a pleasant person. Check out my Youtube videos! I’m all smiles! It’s just that writing is the only way I can express myself and my disdain for adulthood, ok?? *Huffs and puffs* *Defiantly crosses arms*

What about you? Do you finally feel like an adult, or do you see where I’m coming from? Share your stories of your sucky (or not sucky) adulthood below!

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  • I love the energy here. I can relate and college and other people really portray life after college as this wonderful place where you meet a nice guy, find your ideal sweet job, marry, buy a house, car and go on vacation. Come back preggo and then the next venture happens. As I turn 30 I know most of the shiny post are crap and the ones like you who have created their own lanes are really what those work a job real wish they had the balls to do. They will have self discovery in 10 years if they haven’t become a alcoholic or enslaved to that biweekly indentured servitude. Your a whimsical star.

    • LOL your comment cracked me up, you’re a star Christian! I’m excited to see your growth 🙂 And forget all these stereotypes about adulthood..let’s do our own thing!

  • Smh No one should have to go through life acting like everything is all rainbows and gumdrops all the time; I get where you’re coming from though.

    Bills are no joke. I moved into my own place a couple months ago and I had rent and student loans due during the same week!!!!! I said to myself “Never again!”, and promptly changed my loan due date.

    The first year and a half after graduating was an absolute total hot mess! I graduated with no job and had to move from North Carolina back to Arizona. I applied to all kinds of jobs in and outside of Arizona, and no one was checking for me. Eventually I got a job at a call center where I talked for 8 hrs. a day. 4 months later I packed up my car and moved to Atlanta with no job and I didn’t know where I was gonna stay until the day before I arrived. After 3.5 months of a frustrating job search I got hired to work for another call center. For various reasons I quit 2 weeks later and ended up living in a small town outside of New Orleans. When another month of joblessness and 0 interviews goes by, I admit defeat and moved back home to Arizona.

    Smh… After many more months of struggling to find a job and arguing with family over my strange inability to find employment, I went on an interview to be a secretary for a home appraisal company and in the middle of the interview they told me to apply to the local newspaper (they even printed out directions, and told me what to say when I arrived) and now I work at said newspaper as a page designer. Getting that job was nothing but God…

    Before going full time at the newspaper I got hired to be a bank receptionist, and the MORNING I was supposed to start the manager called and said “We want to go in a different direction.”

    I still don’t feel like an adult. By the way 90s cartoons are great. Is Hey Arnold on Netflix?

    • Wow thanks for sharing your story now I def don’t feel alone! The job struggle is truly real out here, but God has a way of making a way doesn’t he? So happy to hear you got a full time job!! Sounds fun too!!

      I actually almost admitted defeat myself and was thiiiis close to moving back home just a few months ago. Adulthood is super crazy. And I don’t know about Netflix but it’s on Hulu!!!

  • GIRL YES!!
    I hate being an adult but at the same time I hate depending on people so it’s like i feel like I’m not allowed to complain because I put myself in this situation. Thanks to this blog post, you’ve given me permission to live a little!! Adulting is tough!! Full-time student, full-time working and blogging.. Geez. But girl! All this hardworking is going to pay off for the both us. We need to do a Adulting Free Vacay! 😂 or something! Take a break from this adult life! Keep up the good work girl!! I love your blog.

  • I love this post so much (and the gifs, especially Rei.) I can totally agree with being disappointed a little bit by what I thought adulthood to be in middle-school versus what it is now. I love my life, don’t get me wrong, but I do think we were a bit jaded to the lack of reality. Now things are a bit more transparent with social media but it’s just important to be thankful for the little things, everyday. That helps get through all of the stress.

    • Yes gratitude for the little things is the only thing that gets me through these sucky adult days haha. But I wish they would have taught us about taxes and credit scores in college

  • This is great Jacque because at the end of the day, I’ve been pissed about the same thing. This year moving to Korea was supposed to be my “break” from life to travel and live. 7 months ago after seeing the wonderful updates on Facebook of everyone’s amazing lives and all these magical accomplishments I got into a deep depression. I felt like I didn’t measure up. Well after lots of prayer I realized it was time to step into my calling of writing, start my blog and later I started my brand. Do I make any money off of it? Hell no lol but I’m working on something that makes me happy and hopefully one day I can quit my day job, but hey. The struggle is so real for us and the rat race to the “top” (wherever that is) makes it even more stressful. We got this, but your vent is everything I’ve been feeling but haven’t said… thank you!

    • OMG I was going to move to Korea as well! I was so tired of the job search and just wanted to get away. Next year I’m traveling there by myself so we’ll see how that goes lol.

      The rat race is the worst part! Like can we just chill and work together?? Smh. Good luck with your blog and brand..you can do it!!

  • Omg! This is the story of my life right now! I graduated from university this July and I thought I would have my graduate job etc and my life would be set by Nahh I couldn’t find a job so I had to settle for another year is studying my doing a masters as I didn’t want to end up having nothing to do. I am really praying that after this I find a job cause I knew life was hard but I didn’t know it was this hard! Growing up is no joke! I get scared of being in my mid 20s and still not financially independent that’s what I worry about a lot. I guess a lot of people feel the same too. Lovely post! Enjoyed reading it. We would all eventfully get there! x

  • Love, love! I’m in this spot where scheming and plotting all the time for business has got me so tired out. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way!

  • This really spoke to me! Right now I’m fresh off undergrad and jobless and its so easy to get depressed and stagnant. I’d much rather be complaining about new way to market my services then be complaining about having no way to pay my bills LOL. The many phases of adulthood.